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The Woods Have Eyes (2007)

the-woods-have-eyes.jpg

From IMDB:

Based on a true story. Summer as usual until a group of young children go missing in the forest. Tracked by a hunter and his crazy sons, to survive the children must take revenge into their own hands.

If the woods had eyes then they would definitely want to have them burnt out with a red hot poker after viewing a piece of crap like this. Avoid it at all cost. If someone wishes to share this gem with you threaten them with a cast iron pan. The only high point that I can even recall from this film was the fact that I couldn’t wait to see some of the characters start to die just so their roles would end and I wouldn’t have to be assaulted by any more poor acting from them. It didn’t matter to me who died as long as they all found a way to meet their maker. Sadly this doesn’t happen though.

What makes things worse is that this is supposed to be based on a true story and I’m going to give away the ending of the movie here so don’t highlight the text if you really don’t want to know.

It was all a crappy ass dream.

I could do better than that by dropping a load in the toilet.

I am truly sorry for the loss of there family members if all this was true and this isn’t a knock on any of the people that really had to go through this. It’s a knock at the poor ass job that was done trying to make profit off of other peoples tragedy.

Hell let’s take a couple of Wal-Mart camcorders and some tripods and let’s make a film… Woo Hoo. My Aunt took a writing course at the junior college and we can get her to make a screen play for us. She would be happy to see her name come across the T.V.

I know that I should try to take it easy about this and take it all in stride but I really want an hour and a half of my life back. I could think of a hundred things that I could have done that would have been more satisfying. If you really want to be assaulted on several levels at once for an extend period of time go ahead and pick up this diamond in the rough. Go ahead and send it off as a gift to some people that you really don’t like. Hell give it to someone that you really don’t want to have anything to do with anymore. That would be give you more value of it then actually sitting through this film.

This film gets 0/5 stars.

God the things I do just to have something to write about sometimes.

If you really want to see a preview of the movie you can find it here:

http://www.thewoodshaveeyes.com/

And for those of you that still want to watch this movie may God have mercy on your soul.