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  • September 2007
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The Woods Have Eyes (2007)


From IMDB:

Based on a true story. Summer as usual until a group of young children go missing in the forest. Tracked by a hunter and his crazy sons, to survive the children must take revenge into their own hands.

If the woods had eyes then they would definitely want to have them burnt out with a red hot poker after viewing a piece of crap like this. Avoid it at all cost. If someone wishes to share this gem with you threaten them with a cast iron pan. The only high point that I can even recall from this film was the fact that I couldn’t wait to see some of the characters start to die just so their roles would end and I wouldn’t have to be assaulted by any more poor acting from them. It didn’t matter to me who died as long as they all found a way to meet their maker. Sadly this doesn’t happen though.

What makes things worse is that this is supposed to be based on a true story and I’m going to give away the ending of the movie here so don’t highlight the text if you really don’t want to know.

It was all a crappy ass dream.

I could do better than that by dropping a load in the toilet.

I am truly sorry for the loss of there family members if all this was true and this isn’t a knock on any of the people that really had to go through this. It’s a knock at the poor ass job that was done trying to make profit off of other peoples tragedy.

Hell let’s take a couple of Wal-Mart camcorders and some tripods and let’s make a film… Woo Hoo. My Aunt took a writing course at the junior college and we can get her to make a screen play for us. She would be happy to see her name come across the T.V.

I know that I should try to take it easy about this and take it all in stride but I really want an hour and a half of my life back. I could think of a hundred things that I could have done that would have been more satisfying. If you really want to be assaulted on several levels at once for an extend period of time go ahead and pick up this diamond in the rough. Go ahead and send it off as a gift to some people that you really don’t like. Hell give it to someone that you really don’t want to have anything to do with anymore. That would be give you more value of it then actually sitting through this film.

This film gets 0/5 stars.

God the things I do just to have something to write about sometimes.

If you really want to see a preview of the movie you can find it here:


And for those of you that still want to watch this movie may God have mercy on your soul.


9 Responses

  1. This critic is a monkey. The Woods Have Eyes was a great movie. I was in the test audience and they LOVED it! As a matter of fact there was a standing ovation!!! This critic gets 0 of 5 stars for his monumental effort in trying to sabotage some wonderful film makers and actors who put their heart and soul into their project. No one or no movie is perfect. But at least the movie makers TRY. And they learn. How else are they going to make better and better films. I am sick and tired of one man’s opinion influencing thousands of people. Don’t listen to this guy. Go out and buy or rent this movie. And appreciate the effort that goes into the film making process. Maybe they did not have a lot of money. But they TRIED! And people worked. Jobs were created. And maybe a few dreams were kindled. Steve Martin said that the worst thing is to have a great nights sleep. A great cup of freshly brewed coffee and a fresh newspaper Only to have your morning ruined by some some guy you dont know trashing the very personal effort he put into a character. I frankly would like to have seen this critic do a better job making this movie. And maybe he needs to think twice about hurting peoples feeling that he does not know. I wonder how he would like it if the roles were reversed? No one person is perfect. No one film is perfect. But we should all respect effort. And this movie is a prime example of people following their dreams and making it happen. I give this movie 5 out of 5 stars. And this critics ego is way out of control. Who does he think he is? From what this guy says he is not only demeaning people he is quite frankly hurting the film makers pocketbook! How would this critic like that done to him??? He is an embarassment to this website and frankly to the industry of film. May God have mercy on his soul. That is if he has one. And by the way your writing is unprofessional. How in the world did you get this job?

  2. While I respect your opinion, please learn to respect mine. I thought this movie itself was garbage but I didn’t think what happened to the actual people was was anything to be laughed at.

    I think what the production company has done, in the eyes of this story, is put together the fastest film that they could have with no thought to the families that they were trying to convey in this story to cash in on some box office (or straight to DVD) cash. Personally that puts a real kink in my side. I would have appreciated this movie some, if the production team and writing staff could have put even half the passion into this movie as they did with their mediocre website.

    ‘The Woods Have Eyes’ has some of the worst slasher scenes and acting that I have ever seen. They picked actors that I couldn’t care less about caring for. I think that was just as much scripting as it was casting.

    Everything can be done well if you take a little time and have a passion for it. If. This movie just doesn’t feel to me that it fits either of these to points. To me it misses big. I know when I feel something for the characters and script and it just wasn’t there in the least with this film.

    The filmography was probably the best thing that was done with this film. it seems like Frank Adonis and Anthony Indelicato cared more about having the cameras being more prepared than anything else that they did.

    Again this is my opinion.

    I can tell that you are a thorough person when it comes to investigating things because you saw so much in the way that this movie was handled Mr Harvey that you didn’t take the time to notice a few things that are on this blog so let me help you to open your eyes a bit.

    1. You give me too much credit in the eyes of anyone in the great scheme of things. Thousands of people? If you noticed a little thing on the left hand side of the screen I have something called a ‘HIT COUNTER’ and as of this response I have only gotten 199 hits on this site. Though I don’t think that’s too bad for only putting this blog up 10 days or so ago. The last part of this statement is of course just my opinion about things around here. 😀

    2. I never claimed to be a professional movie critic. Again you are making assumptions about something with your eyes closed and you never bothered to question it in some intelligible way. I suppose that is only my fault there. I did take down my bio and I’ll give you partial credit for not looking around before you went sideways a little in your comment. Again my opinion.

    3. I’m flattered that you think that I get paid to do this. Really, but alas I am just a poor stay at home dad . I must have done something right though with the direction that this site is set up and the community that I am trying to start because you never once doubted that this site was professional. So something that I am doing is done well enough. Unlike the movie that I reviewed. Again my opinion.

    4. If you think that you can do better than I then, by all means start your own blog and put in a little of your own effort. Try to stop and put that little hamster of yours back on it’s wheel and troll in a proper format .No one is stopping you from putting your words out there, and that’s what makes this country great.

    5 I respect the effort of a film maker when I can see that they can respect it them selves. That is shown by the quality of their work. There are tons of budget films that have done great work with just as little budget as this one. Again my opinion.

    I’m glad that you have some passion about this though and I really wish that I was as blind as you and the screening audience about this film. Hell who knows being a screener they could have shown you a completely different film. If it was this one I could completely understand why it would receive a standing ovation when it was over. People were happy that this film was finished. I know I clapped when the credits scrolled.

    Have a great day,

    The Monkey Watcher

    P.S. Let’s see how much passion you have though and see if you will come back here and give a proper retort.

  3. Lots of good points! It is nice to get inside the critics head and see what he is thinking. But does the average movie goer tear movies apart? To tell you the truth the worse the review the more I want to see it. I dont have time at the moment to respond any longer but I do respect your opinion. You would be surprised that there are thousands listening to what you have to say. So have a good day. And thanks for the response. By the way, I happen to know that the actor who played Cappy is an incredible guy. It was his first project. Everyone has to start somewhere! The production staff saw something in him. And I am sure he wishes he could have done better. Since the Woods you will be happy to know that he has booked several productions and commercials. His acting abilities have improved 100 fold and his confidence has soared. All because someone gave him a shot. Can you imagine how nervous this poor guy was! I just hope he has not read any reviews. Maybe they will inspire him. Have a great day. And thanks.

  4. First, I am sorry if there is confusion with the login name that is used here. I am Bryan.

    I’m glad to hear that the actor that played Cappy is making head way in his career and yes you have to start somewhere. Unfortunately that doesn’t always have to be at the bottom. Then again if you start low there is only one way that you career can go if a person sticks with it long enough. I didn’t actually have a problem with the guy that played Cappy though and I should have went into more detail about that. The main area that I had such issues with were the roles that were played by the kids and their families. I just didn’t want to care about them no matter how much I tried to pay attention to this film. To me there was nothing there to grip on to.

    I won’t say that I won’t watch another movie by the same writer/director either. Because given time I am sure that I will run across one of his films again because he is generating a very curious fan base and that is surely going to help his career. Hopefully in the future he will be able to have a chance to work with some individuals that have a bit more seasoning to help pull the story in the right direction.

    I hope that my review does make people curious and people take an interest in the movie. Remember that the only bad press is no press. I know that I stumbled by it when I had nothing else going on and I hadn’t even heard of this movie. Did I still watch it? Yes. Will my review really hurt any franchise that Frank Adonis and Anthony Indelicato will want to create? In the end probably not, if anything it will drive up their perspective audience and that is great for them.

    For me it was just a bad movie. I’m not trying to knock anyone down personally this is purely from a business standpoint that things could have been approached much better and we all know that you don’t make a movie if you can’t accept taking the bad times with the good ones. That’s life and when you put something in the public eye not everyone is going to like it.

    It’s nice to hear that someone is willing to have a reasonable debate about this and It’s nice to meet you.

    The Monkey Watcher

  5. It is great to talk to you too. I respect your opinion and it is nice to have a reasonable discussion on films, etc. You know, I have seen so many really bad movies that I actually have got to give the film makers 5 stars for at least trying. Yes, they are sometimes hard to watch. And very laughable. But to the guy or girl who toughed it out, got a budget together, casted actors and hired a crew to put together their idea of a lifetime you just gotta give them some credit and admire them for their tenacity. Their idea may suck to us but to them it is Oscar time. Looking through the lens while filming also looks 80% of the time better than raw post footage. Continuity suffers when shots are forgotten or staged wrong. Lighting issues plague even the mighty Speilberg who has had quite a few flops as well. All of those things can spell disaster in the final edit and the film maker is just as surprised and probably damned disappointed that it does not look like it did in his mind. But then he is stuck. He has to release it to recoup the money spent and make a profit. You can bet the next time what he learned making his first film will be fixed in the second. And thanks for defending Cappy a little. He is one cool dude. He will give you the shirt off of his back. And he is now living a dream he never thought possible because someone gave him a chance in a film that nobody seems to like. But I can guarantee you to him it was an awe inspiring experience no matter how bad everyone thinks the film is. You never know when acts of kindness spawn greatness. Well, thanks again for the dialogue. Take care and keep up the good work! I will be watching the success of your website…..

  6. The ending was the best part of this film, throughout the film i was thinking whether this really is based on a true story but by the end i was 100% sure that it is. If you like watching horror and violent movies in which people are dying and no ones knows why/how or where… then you should watch it….i would give it 2.5 out of 5, but it was a fun film to watch no doubt eventhough the acting wasn’t so good and you could tell its a low budget.

  7. My opinion:
    I have just finished watching this movie…
    i watched it because i enjoy scary movies and i thought is was some sort of rip off of hills have eyes…
    but to my surprise this was just a really bad low budget movie.
    i really wish i could have my 87minutes back

    that movie was horrible there were children deaths
    you dont put that in movies
    and the killers were like wwc rejects or something…
    i really cant believe i watched that movie
    **it really was based on a true story because it was all a dream and well i guess the writer must have had a dream before he thought of the movie

    PS i really wish that the slick hair kid died he should have died first

  8. I like this blog very much so much wonderful information.

  9. Heya this is kinda of off topic but I was wanting to know if blogs use
    WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML.
    I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding experience so I wanted to get guidance from someone with experience.

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